dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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