Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
