ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
