my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
