i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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