The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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