no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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