my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
