So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm passing your future prison.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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