I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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