Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
