You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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