I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I AM VODKA MAN
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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