im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
