I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
