She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
