I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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