Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
