That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize