You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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