i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
