I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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