I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize