just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
