summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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