We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
