Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
