onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
