We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's get the cat blown out
pray to the hookup gods
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
