i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He has the fingertips of a God
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
