happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
