Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
