Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
