I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
