the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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