sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
