I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
