They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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