I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
