he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
