Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
