Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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