you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
