This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
