the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize