it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
His nipple licking is glorious
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