This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
