I'm lost and stupid without you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
