i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
