Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
