You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize