I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
