if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
