I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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