He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
