you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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