Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
