she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
