Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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