You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
