it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
