chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
