i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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