Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
