I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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