the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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