Yo dont text me then not text me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
