Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
