what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
