ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
