It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
