If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
