Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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