Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
