The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
