she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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