You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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