Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
