Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
