Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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