So drunk its hurt
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
