yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
