actually, I'm a sock model
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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