Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
