he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
