My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
