His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
