I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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