haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wear drunk well.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
