Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
