I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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