why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
