I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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