dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
