I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
