i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
