Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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