Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
