Whod you bang
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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