New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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