I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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