I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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