Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
