I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
